Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
