dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Oh god it's open bar.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
