and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
