for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
