There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
