Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
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While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
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Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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