so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
