she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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