I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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