Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
