I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
