Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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