Moan for me like Helen Keller
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Randomize
