Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
