I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
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So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
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I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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