I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
