apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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