either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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