Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
