I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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