I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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