i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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