Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The beers last night were like the tears from god
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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