I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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