I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
