I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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