You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Someone shattered a urinal.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
