Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
