i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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