a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
