i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
