She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
