Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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