I just pynch a tree in the face
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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