i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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