It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just gargled with NyQuil
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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