Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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