Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
