I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
