my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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