In the future we'll all be gay
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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