She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
