You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
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... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
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We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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