just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
