im drinking this country out of the recession.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I think my vagina is haunted
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
either way he was missing a nipple.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
