I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
