I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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