i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
