I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
