I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
