So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
