all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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