I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize