Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize