plz talk dirty to me
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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