Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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