I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Blood and glitter go together right?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm both gender and math confused
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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