somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I think your dad took our porno
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
