Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize