I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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